Rest In peace

My Husband passed away April 29, 2011 @ 3:51pm. His death was painless.

We had a wonderful life together, I would not change anything about it. In the last weeks of his life I must have told him I loved him thousands of times. I got to meet a man I never knew. He had faith, and face his illness as he done his death with courage.

I am honored to be your wife.

I will miss him for the rest of my life

Slipping away

Well the official word is that his cancer has spread to his liver and brain. This is shown my his demenita and hostile outbreaks. The toxins from the liver build up in the body. He is also falling, un study on his feet. Dropping things.

The fact is there is nothing no one can do. We try to manage his pain, but I know it is unreal pain. I know he does not tell the truth when he talks about his pain.

Hospice has done a wonderful job.

This is like waiting for a bomb to exploded.

He is dying

My husband is slowly dying. He is losing weight, and is starting to what hospice calls "wasting".

He belly is swollen and tight. The cancer has spread to his liver, and that is causing fluid to build up.

He sleeps a lot, talks to dead people.

This is the hardest thing I ever had to do.

Been a while

I feel like my world has fell apart, I am trying to be so strong, so positive. But I feel I have been kicked in my gut. Today a very good friend of mines mother passed away. Her mother suffered and wanted to live. Her death brought back a lot a feelings of my own fathers death. Then I looked over and saw my husband slipping away. I see him getting thinner, I see a shell of a person that I knew. It breaks my heart.

Hospice

Well, a lot has changed in two weeks. I ended up taking my husband to the ER on Jan 4, Doctor ordered a CT scan where it showed spreading to hubby's spine and to the rest of his ribs, Pleural effusion has got larger, and a new mass in his lower part of his right lung. So he was changed to stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer. Doctor done a bone scan and conformed the spread.

So doctors and my husband made the choice that since his lung function was so poor, and the cancer was making him so weak, that he will not be getting any treatments. It became a issue of having a better quality life.

So the doctors sent us home with an hospice referral.

B-12

Works wonders! Hubby got a B-12 shot a few days ago, He is able to sit up and play games on his laptop. Yesterday he went out all by himself for a few hours. This was a major change from the man who could hardly walk around.

Well this week he goes for a bone scan to check the tiny Met, and a CAT scan to get an updated look at his cancer to check how much spread he may have had. Basically so we can have a starting point before chemo treatment.

On the 11th he goes for the follow up, then treatments starts.

Happy new year!

Happy Holidays

Today is Christmas, Today is also the first time in many years that my husband cannot leave the house for the holidays. I am not sure if it is from the radiation or the lack of sleep for the past 4 months; But he is very tired.

A month ago, (thanksgiving) we went to church, then did our rounds. Then on black Friday, He went out with his cousins. Now he cannot walk from the chair to the kitchen without issues.